Episode 12: From Crystal Meth to Hope: Choosing What to Do With Your Feelings with Archie Messersmith-Bunting

In this powerful and deeply moving episode, host Erica Bowen speaks with Archie Messersmith-Bunting, a professional motivational speaker known as "the feelings guy," about his journey from crystal meth addiction and suicidal depression to becoming an advocate for mental health awareness and suicide prevention.

Archie shares his experience growing up gay in the Deep South, navigating religious trauma that taught him he was destined for hell, and living a double life that led to profound disconnection from himself. He describes how crystal meth initially made "all the pain go away," but as a binge user dealing with major depressive disorder, the crashes became unbearable—freight trains slamming through his brain repeatedly until suicide seemed like the only option that wasn't unbearable.

The conversation explores the critical turning point when Archie realized he wasn't "the Manchurian Candidate"—that he hadn't irreversibly damaged his brain and actually had a choice. This moment of hope, recognizing he had agency even when he still struggled, became the foundation for his recovery. He credits his long-haired Chihuahua, Fabi, as instrumental in saving his life—nights when holding his dog and telling himself "we can do this, buddy" kept him going.

Archie introduces his revolutionary approach to connection: replacing "How are you?" with "How are you feeling today?" These five words, he argues, can save lives by creating space for genuine vulnerability and stopping people on the suicide spectrum at points 1, 2, 3, or 4—before they reach the point of no return at 9 or 10. He explains how our transactional society programs us to respond with "I'm fine" rather than truthfully sharing our emotional state.

The episode addresses the gifts within the pandemic's challenges, including forced reflection and the opportunity to practice genuine listening. Archie emphasizes the critical skill of listening to understand rather than listening to respond, advocating for adding "Can I listen?" to our vocabulary. He shares how his recovery required both traditional 12-step work and therapy working in tandem—that focusing solely on sobriety without addressing underlying trauma wasn't enough for him.

Archie's message is clear: you can't help feeling how you feel—feelings exist for a reason and we're meant to experience the full range. But you do have a choice in what you do with those feelings. On bad days, the choice might simply be self-care. On other days, it's choosing to pick up the phone and ask someone to just listen. His philosophy centres on being a "helper" rather than needing advanced degrees—using the mess of his past to hopefully save lives.

Key Takeaways:

• Replacing "How are you?" with "How are you feeling?" creates space for life-saving vulnerability
• Suicide exists on a spectrum—early intervention through genuine connection can prevent escalation
• Hope emerges from recognizing you have a choice, even when all options seem unbearable
• Listening to understand (not to respond) is a critical but undervalued skill
• Recovery often requires multiple approaches working together—one size doesn't fit all
• You can't help feeling how you feel, but you can choose what you do with those feelings
• Words of encouragement matter profoundly, especially during difficult times
• Sometimes the simplest things (like a loving pet) can keep us on the right side of the line
• Being a "helper" doesn't require degrees—lived experience and compassion are powerful tools