HopeMakers: Disrupting the legacy of trauma.

Episode 9: Finding Your Voice: From Perfect Personas to Authentic Confidence with Heather Jean

Dr Erica Bowen

In this energetic and inspiring episode, host Erica Bowen speaks with Heather Jean about her journey from hiding behind multiple "perfect" personas to discovering authentic confidence and creating the Confidence Through Cabaret community during lockdown.

Heather shares how she spent years being excellent at everything - as a high-achieving interpersonal skills consultant, a devoted mother, and later a full-time carer—but realised she'd built so many walls around different aspects of her life that she'd lost sight of who she really was. She describes herself as someone who appeared calm and in control externally whilst feeling like a "hot mess" internally, never allowing herself to be vulnerable or take up space.

The conversation explores Heather's catalogue of life challenges, including surviving an abusive first marriage that took 11 years to fully escape, caring for her late husband who had Alzheimer's, her own breast cancer diagnosis (which she pushed doctors to investigate when they said she was too young), a car accident, and the subsequent bereavement. Through all of this, Heather maintained strict boundaries against playing the victim, instead adopting a "control the controllables" mindset and keeping relentlessly busy to avoid sitting with difficult emotions.

The pandemic became an unexpected turning point when lockdown forced Heather to pause for the first time in years. Without her usual outlets—work, travel, cabaret performances - she had to confront all the emotions she'd packed away in boxes with tight lids. This led to a profound period of self-reflection where she discovered she'd been internalising abuse and negative messages, experiencing imposter syndrome without recognising it, and never truly allowing herself to feel her feelings.

Heather discusses how she processed these emotions through mindfulness practices including aerial fitness (where falling is literal if you lose focus), stretching as a form of emotional release, and learning to simply "feel it and let it go." She shares the powerful realisation that came when her son reacted to her saying she'd be "okay" if COVID took her - recognising that if it wasn't appropriate to say to him, it wasn't appropriate to say to herself.

The episode reveals how Heather and her business partner Ryan created Confidence Through Cabaret to help others build confidence in their personal life, work life, and "stage life" (whatever that stage may be). Using tools from contemporary cabaret, they help people create characters that allow them to show up authentically - not faking it, but accessing parts of themselves that already exist but may be hidden.

Heather's philosophy centres on showing up "perfectly imperfect," not comparing yourself to others' self-limiting beliefs, celebrating small victories (like putting the bins out or mowing the lawn), and surrounding yourself with people who genuinely want you to succeed—not just those who show up when there's "entertainment value."

Key Takeaways:

  • The importance of pausing to listen to yourself, not just others
  • How keeping busy can prevent us from processing difficult emotions
  • "Control the controllables"—focus only on what you can actually influence
  • Creating a mindful practice that keeps you present (for Heather: aerial fitness)
  • Recognising patterns in who you allow into your life and setting boundaries accordingly
  • Celebrating progress over perfection—acknowledging what you did, not what you didn't
  • Moving from "I wish I wasn't here" to gratitude through small daily practices
  • The power of showing up authentically rather than hiding behind personas
  • How transformation often comes through difficulty we'd rather avoid